Greenwood Surgery was finally completed. Pressure was put on the contractors to complete on time – and one result of this was that the heating was turned up to dry out the plasterwork, which resulted in extensive cracking. These small matters didn’t, however, diminish our pleasure at being in purpose built premises.

We finally felt that we were moving forward. We already had our Health Clinic and the concept of the town centre ‘medical hub’ had materialised and was working well. Compared with the bad old days (as described by the late, great, Viv Porth) this was luxury.

There was a good mix of male and female clinicians, which pleased our patients, and we were able to provide a wide range of services. I continued my flirtation with ‘the media’ – for example I wrote a regular column for the News of the World magazine (called ‘Sunday’). I’d always regarded the paper as a source of titillation rather than a meaningful news outlet … but the staff took it deadly seriously … so I had to tread carefully. I got piles of letters from readers – many of them hand written on ‘Lion Brand’ notepaper … which had was lined so correspondents could more easily make the handwriting look neat … and, when torn out of the pad, t left a jagged edge at the top. Many of the letters included admissions such as: “I can’t tell my wife about this.” The newspaper had a circulation of around 6 million at this time … but we never published names when dealing with sensitive matters so presumably the wives never found out.

One morning I got a call asking if I could write a piece on aphrodisiacs. I said yes and about an hour later a motorbike roared up to the house and I was given a cardboard box filled with a variety of preparations such as ‘Spanish Fly’, Male Climax Cream and Female Climax cream. I opened the jar of the ‘male’ cream which was pink in colour  and immediately experienced a Proustian moment … I was whisked back to a time when I’d fallen over and grazed my knee and Mummy was gently dabbing Germolene on it. This was the unmistakable smell of oil of wintergreen (which at that time was a constituent of the antiseptic cream). Female Climax cream was lighter pink in colour but a quick sniff confirmed it contained the same ingredient. My conclusion was that the ‘male’ product was Germolene whereas the ‘female’ version had been diluted with an emollient such ‘Nivea Creme’.

I did a bit of research and, given that this took place in the ‘pre-Viagra era’, concluded that none of the products in the box had much evidence of efficacy. I wrote a piece to this effect which wasn’t at all what they wanted … so I had to do an ‘Oooooh Matron!’ rewrite … keeping my fingers crossed that my Mother wouldn’t see it!

Being a hoarder I put the box and its contents in a cupboard and forgot about it. A couple of years later my daughter decided to sort out the mess that was my office … and found the box. Horrified, she showed it to my wife … who then had to tell her the story behind it.   

I also wrote a column for ‘The Lady’ magazine. As a result, I used to receive letters addressed to “Dr John Cormack – The Lady” which greatly amused the kids

As well as having a weekly BBC Essex slot I used to be one of the TV-am docs … which was hard work. I’d spend the previous day at the surgery and would get a phone call from a young researcher asking what stories I’d cover the following day. The presenter was then presented with a garbled version of this conversation … so the questions bore little relation to what I had planned to say. At the end of a busy day I had to drive down to London, often late at night, and stay in a hotel from whence I was picked up at around 4.30 the following morning and driven to the studio. I’d do two interviews … one at 6.30 and one at 8.30 and would then have to drive back to the practice and pick up where I left off.

Of the presenters, the worst was Richard Keys (as he was only interested in football). On one of the early slots, when I was still half asleep, I told him that “Premenstrual tension is more common in women” … which was enough to get me a mention in Private Eye’s ‘Colemanballs’ column. The best presenter by far was Lorraine. Being interviewed by her was like chatting to a neighbour over the garden fence.

There was lots of waiting around …. but this was somewhat relieved by chatting to the young and lovely Ulrika Jonsson who was their weather presenter.

The most interesting project with which I was involved was making a documentary in 1988 for Channel 4 called Concerning Cancer. This involve interviewing a series of experts from whom I learned a great deal … knowledge I was able to put to good use at the practice.

Meanwhile Greenwood Surgery continued to provide a good service to its patients but, towards the end of the 1980s, problems began to loom. Kenneth Clarke’s decision to impose a new contract was a low point for the profession. Sensible GPs kept their heads down and tried to make the best of the situation. I was never one for taking the easy way out, though … which invited retribution.

Tune in for next week’s exciting episode!

Dr John Cormack